bebo thoughts.

Happy Victoria Day.

2008-05-19T14:49:00.004-04:00

This weekend Kathryn and I, as well as Kat's family, went to the wedding of Kathryn's god-parent's son. I was quite excited because they are Indian (the groom at least), and I was expecting an ethnic celebration with all kinds of foods I've never heard of and people playing instruments I've never seen.

It was the most normal Roman-Catholic wedding you could imagine. Score one point for Westernization. And score another point for Bebo's American stereotypes not panning out. And score yet another point for Bebo breaking his 11 wedding streak of getting obnoxiously drunk and doing something he will regret.

Honestly, it was great. And all of the food was vegetarian until the last plate when they brought out the veal. Some would say that is one extreme to the other, but I digress. The DJ, who was very funny, before the veal came out, asked if there were any vegetarians in the house. Since I had already told the waiters that I would not be dining on any baby cow that eve, I didn't raise my hand because I didn't want to get made fun of. But he said that he hates people that say they are vegetarian but eat fish and chicken because, "that's like someone saying 'I'm straight. I'm a total lady's man. But all I want right now is a well-hung black man'."

In closing, as some of you may know, today is Victoria Day in Canada which celebrates the birthday of Queen Victoria. And as an American with Irish ancestry, I say "Long live the Queen!"

The Maverick we love to hate.

2008-05-05T15:35:00.005-04:00

Hello everybody. Summer vacation is a beautiful thing, isn't it? It offers one a chance to catch up on everything they want to and then some. It has also afforded me the chance to scour the far corners of the internet to ask the burning question that is on everyone's minds - "Why is John McCain the worst possible person to be president?" The only way to answer that question is in list form, naturally, so here goes.

Why I hate John McCain (a buffer for all who would care to know)

1. He is a 'flip-flopper' on everything from Bush's tax cuts (He voted against them in 2001 and said said at the time, “I cannot in good conscience support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us at the expense of middle-class Americans who need tax relief.” He now fully supports them and wants them to become permanent.) to campaign finance reform (so much so that he got in on a bill called McCain-Feingold Act which was a huge deal. And then he neglected to support it) and everything in-between.

2. He wants us to be in Iraq for 100 years.

3. He was one of the Keating Five and got off with a slap on the wrist.

4. He is a misogynist. He has no problems with a supporter asking him how he is going to "Beat the bitch" in reference to Hillary Clinton. He even gets a nice little chuckle out of it. He has also said some very horrible things to his wife:

Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day.

When he was asked about this recently by a baptist minister, he acted like he was shocked to hear such language (unlike when someone calls Hillary Clinton a bitch) and DIDN'T DENY IT:

4. McCain is against net neutrality. This is something that many people feel could be one of the most important issues within the next 10 years. It is basically about the right of the internet to be an open channel without any filtering from companies or business blocking access to certain sites. For example, if you have Comcast internet, without net neutrality, they would be able to block you from going to YouTube or Yahoo! and you would have to pay extra for those 'privileged sites'. Or worse, Comcast could block you from looking at ATT's website so you can't be thinking about switching service. However, according to John McCain, "When you control the pipe you should be able to get profit from your investment.”

5. This video should kind of sum it up nicely.

And if that doesn't convice you, this should.

In closing, "Quoth the maverick, 'forever war'"

A broken man.

2008-04-28T14:37:00.002-04:00

Like that iron man runner that hobbles towards the finish line in that Gatorade commercial, I am officially done with my first year of university. My finals season was spread out over about two weeks and broke me like a steed. Be it stress or Canada, I have somehow acquired a cold/infection/curse that led Kathryn and I to a French, socialist hospital last night. Alas, I trudge on.

Now that my pity party is over, let's get on to the good stuffs. I officially will NOT fail out of school, I live with my best friend who I am madly in love with, there is no more snow on the ground, and best of all, the Cubs are in first place. Life is good.

It's nap time now. There is another hockey game tonight so if you don't hear from me, just assume that I was torched in a drunken, sovereign-obsessed, police car-burning riot.

(sorry for the horrible music in this video)

Hillary! (Sorry good Hill, it's about Clinton)

2008-04-20T12:27:00.002-04:00

In honor of Mickey's snarky Clinton video...

Oh no!

2008-04-09T02:17:00.002-04:00

Iiiiiiiittttttttt's finals time again folks! So everyone just say a little prayer for me so I don't fail out of school and get shamed back into the United States.

I would like to commend Jude on the filthiest, most thought out comment I've ever seen.

And I am just going to ask everyone to hold out for another week or two until finals are over and then I have a few ideas that I've been kickin' around the ol' bucket upstairs that'll knock your socks right off.

Finally, I just want to share this with all of you. The internet gives us all a good laugh every now and then, but I feel that this is the funniest thing I've seen in the history of ever - The Dangers of Being a TV News Reporter:

Goodnight and good luck.

Ask and ye shall receive, Dave.

2008-03-29T01:46:00.006-04:00

Exhibit A :

Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Well, as long as you're here, let me tell you about term life insurance.

You see, ever since Julie died, the funeral bills have been piling up. If only we had gotten this life insurance sooner.

Exhibit B :

Oh, darling, what is that you've put into the shopping cart? All new Smart Shakes? But those can't be good for you! WHAT? THEY ARE? They're packed with vitamins and anti-oxidants? That sounds great. Let's get 2!

These are two examples of lazy marketing. Some people refer to these as the "idiot nets" because if you just scoop these through late night TV, you are bound to catch a few easy sales.

So what does this have to do with all of us? Today, I was the recipient of the following "idiot net" email. I have crossed out the names to protect the guilty:

"I was reading your blog today. It was super funny. Tough break about the AOL thing. That 850 would have been nice to have. I have been to Chicago but I have not yet been to Montreal. Chicago was great so I can only assume that all the stories about Montreal are true. I wanted to check it out for UFC but the tickets sold it in like 20 seconds. Ah well, what can you do.

My name is ---- and I work for -----, a word of mouth marketing company in Toronto and we're looking for people in Montreal to try out a new ipod charger. All that we ask in return for you testing it out is your feedback. Hopefully you own an ipod and can get use out of a charger.

If you're interested you can check out ----- or you can email me back at ------.

Alright man, keep writing your blog, it's really funny. Take care,

-----"

After reading the email and clicking-thru to the website, here is the juice of that:

Is this you?

* Live, work or go to school in urban Toronto or Montreal
* Between the ages of 18-35
* Commute daily or travel long distances for work or school
* Own and regularly use an iPod
* Are active online and an outgoing social connector online and offline

What’s the catch?

There is no catch - all we ask in exchange for the ---- is that you use it as much as you can, show it to all your friends, talk about it whenever the opportunity arises, and provide us with your honest feedback about your experience...

My initial positive thoughts:
1. His grammar, though not great, is passable.
2. He obviously has a grasp on how to google "iPod + Montreal + blog".
3. He has proven to me that he has at least read the first post of my blog.
4. He also seems to be a very trusting person since he equates my former residence in Chicago and current status in Montreal as somehow validating the idea that "Greatness of (CITY) = truthiness of stories about (OTHER CITY)" and that is a good thing.
5. There is no catch! They say it right there! That's a huge relief.
6. He thinks that I am an "outgoing social connector" and is correct.

My initial negative thoughts:
1. It's some crappy corporate scam.
2. He is a jackass.

What do you think? Should I do it?

St. Patty.

2008-03-17T14:08:00.002-04:00

So here we are. One more St. Patrick's Day down the drain, and I still don't have long-flowing red locks.

So it turns out that AOL was actually buying some shitty MySpace-ripoff website, so I am not going to see any part of that sweet sweet $850mil. Incidentally, if anyone knows about a good tattoo-removal service in Montreal, I may have (in all of the excitement) gotten a tattoo of the AOL guy on my head.

Hey, don't judge. You never know how you will act if you think that you're getting almost a billion dollars from this guy:

Yesterday, Kat and I experienced a first. It was our first neighbor complaint. I was in the kitchen cooking us some nice little pasta for dinner, when suddenly there is a knock on the door. Kat answers and says some gibberish in French, and then comes back and says that the guy upstairs asked if we could open a window because the garlic was bothering him. Apparently, we live directly below a vampire. An asshole of a vampire.

I have always imagined my first neighbor complaint to be over something silly that I could easily explain away and gain a nice friend out of it. "Oh, I'm sorry. That loud sound you heard will never happen again because that was me beating up a burglar. You're welcome for making our building safer." I would say. And they would love me.

But instead, we get Dracula in 3E with the sensitive olfactory. And he's not here because I just bested a would-be robber in a game of fists. He's here because he sucks and wants to piss me right the hell off.

Mission accomplished. I think I will fry up some garlic and then go suplex his Transilvanian ass.

Gettin' ready for some cash.

2008-03-13T15:24:00.002-04:00

As some of you may know, I am expecting a great amount of cash in my near future. Like, specifically, a shitload.

You can read all about it here.

To give you a little sampling...

"The Time Warner-owned Web pioneer said Thursday that it has agreed to acquire Bebo... for $850 million."

Whobuntu?

2008-03-04T00:37:00.005-05:00

So now that midterms are all, mercifully, over, I turn my attention to what matters most - anything that isn't midterms.

When I was recently in Chicago, I was having a problem with my computer because of something or another and every time I typed, it would skip like every 3rd keystroke. It was the most annoying thing that I could imagine. Actually I can think of hundreds of things more annoying, but that doesn't quite have the same punch, does it? After evaluating all of the possibilities to fix it, I naturally took the most drastic approach - I installed a whole new operating system.

That's right. I've been a non-Microsoft Windows user for a bit over a week now and, my gosh, is it fantastic. What I'm rockin' now is Ubuntu which is a type of Linux. It's something that I've been thinking about for a while and I'm very glad I did. The community-driven principles are something that I wholeheartedly believe in.

The irony is that I have a bit of a history of making fun of Linux users and computer-nerds alike. They are generally ranked just above Republicans and slightly below art-school students in terms of groups that are both easy and gratifying to make fun of. And, like all good Windows-using, Democrat-voting, business-school students, I basked in the itty-bitty perceived moral superiority I had over the "others".

So, when I finally bared my soul to Kathryn and told her that I was going to be switching my digital allegiance from the safe Redmond umbrella of non-geekdom that I have cowered under since I first used a computer to the masses of Open Source geeks, nerds, long-hairs, 1337 h@x0rZ and the like, this was her response:

"So are you going have to make fun of yourself now?"

Well played, m'lady. Well played indeed.

4/4

2008-02-29T02:50:00.002-05:00

So far, in all the rush of doing midterms, I have gotten A's in all 4 I've taken. And Saturday morning is the make-or-break one. Which I will fail because I'm getting cocky.

After the midterm rush, expect a whole gaggle of fun times to be had right here.

I've been waiting a long time to say this:
Happy Leap Day! One year ago today, I was 21. Is your mind blown?

The envelope.

2008-02-15T00:23:00.002-05:00

So today is obviously Valentine's Day. And I obviously got Kathryn a card. And since I am obviously a big dumbass, I didn't think to check that the envelope was big enough for the card. It wasn't. And now I'M the jackass.

I had 2 midterms today. It's Concordia's cute little way of saying "We don't want you to feel joy. Fee deadline is coming up. Save your money for that, assholes."

School.

2008-02-08T00:50:00.000-05:00

Wow. School this semester is really kicking my ass. It's amazing that when you actually do all of the work and are challenged mentally how draining it is.

If anyone knows me at all, they know a few truths about me. I am lazy. I am a world-class procrastinator. WORLD CLASS. And I generally don't get things done. So about a week ago, I had an epiphany! Sort of.

What happened is I stumbled onto this thing called GTD. It stands for Getting Things Done. And I am sold. It is basically a complete system for organizing your life and it is all very exciting.

There isn't too large a hump for getting your life in line with GTD, but the grand irony is that since starting this, I haven't really blogged. Hence, I am NOT getting things done. Most of my non-school or study time is spent obsessively scouring the odd corners of the internet for any tips or tricks to help me GET THINGS DONE.

"So what else is new in your extremely awesome, things-have-been-gotten-done life, Bebo?" one may ask. I would answer to that person, "Much."

In no order, some things of my world:

- Obama is really awesome and I think he would be voted Prime Minister of Canada with about a 98% margin if he ran up here. Oh wait... he can't speak French. So he'd get like 51%.

- I am in a group this semester that is the exact opposite of my rag-tag gaggle of miscreants from last semester. I enjoy it.

- I am in another group for a different class that consists of me, the worst human being ever whose name is pronounced "A Booty" - aka Badonkadonk, and a tall odd Asian man that NEVER goes to class. I want them to never talk to me again.

- I drink more Perrier than anyone should.

- Lost is back and it is GOOD.

- Every single female that lives on the island of Montreal wears boots. And everyone here kind of talks like Yoda. Whereas I would say, "This soup is good," a Montrealler says, "It's good, the soup." And another thing. I pronounce Montreal as MAHN-tree-all, they pronounce it MUNCH-re-all. I would say that they are correct because it's their city.

I am very sleepy and I have to go to Financial Accounting tomorrow, so I leave you with this quote:

"I'm touching all the candy" - Greased Up Deaf Guy

Super Duper Pooper Tuesday!

2008-02-05T14:03:00.000-05:00

So as most of you know, today is the big day for the primaries. I voted about a week ago via absentee ballot. I promise promise pinkie swear to post something with a little substance to it very soon (as soon as I get caught up with my homework) but until then, I just wanted to share a thought for the undecided voters amongst us.

A simple equation.

2008-01-31T00:12:00.000-05:00

What do you get when you add together...

1 Ginsu knife

5 cloves of garlic

and 1 big fat hungry bastard in a rush to cook up some spaghetti sauce?

*** WARNING : SEMI-GRAPHIC PHOTO AHEAD ***

One sliced and diced ass finger.

And what did we learn, class?

New Picture.

2008-01-28T15:53:00.000-05:00

I don't have much to say other than I got my new glasses. And I don't know how to say this so I'll just say it. I'm lookin' good.

You can see a picture of me with my new peepers over there on the left in my blogger profile.

Wow.

2008-01-25T23:24:00.001-05:00

In an effort to learn French without actually having to do anything, I have taken to leaving French-language newscasts on the TV while I'm doing other things. It's my osmosis version of learning French.

It hasn't worked. Yet.

So anyone that has ever watched TV in another language knows that every now and again you'll hear an English word. "En avec la blah blah blah Chicago Cubs la quelle blah blah..." You know what I'm talking about.

Since I've been doing my ghetto-FSL (French as a Second Language) news-learning, I've heard many English words and a lot of American names ("blah blah George Bush blah") but today I heard AND SAW the best one ever.

The sitch (that's the short way of saying situation)-
Chilling out on the couch, lamenting the state of the world. There was an odd report on the TV that caught my attention because of the upturned cars and burning skyline of some war-torn city.

As I'm watching, remember the images are of upside-down, burning cars and hundreds of people running through the streets in some faraway country, the voice over says, (with my own version of made up French jibberish) "Et la je ne bah le blah blah PEPSI COLA. Je ne pas le blah blah blah CONDOLEEZZA RICE blah blah blah."

Fade to black.

What do Condi and Pepsi have to do with Uganda or Gaza or wherever that was? The world will never know. Well the English-speaking world will never know.

Assimilation.

2008-01-25T00:39:00.001-05:00

When I first moved to Montreal, I was a fat American that wore Bears and Cubs jerseys all the time. Now I am a fat American that wears solid-colored non-branded clothing.

When I first moved to Montreal, I giggled every time someone said 'loonie' or 'toonie'. Now I jiggle the $24 worth of change in my pocket like the most jovial of Canadians.

When I first moved to Montreal, I didn't know anything about Canadian politics. Now, I know more about the Prime Ministers and MPs of Canada than anyone I know (other than Kathryn's dad).

When I first moved to Montreal, I had no idea how far 238 kilometers was, how tall a man is who is 1.8 meters, or how much pop was in a 581 kilogram bottle. Now, I still don't have any idea, but I have gotten good at going, "Oh, ok. Wow, 238 meters, eh?"

When I first moved to Montreal, I felt that I stood out as an American. But lately, I thought I had been assimilating very well.

That all changed when I went to Java U to get something to drink yesterday.

I walked in to the shop with a couple of toonies burning a hole in my pocket and a deep thirst for some espresso. What I got instead was a big old chunk of humble pie. When I got to the counter, I surveyed the menu, saw my favorite drink, and ordered an Americano. Without skipping a beat, the girl asks me what part of America I'm from!

I was shocked that from my massive girth and my choice of drink she could deduct my country of origin.

So later that day, over dinner I ask Kat, "Is it really obvious that I am an American? Like from my accent?"

She thought about it for a minute and then said, "No. Well like you can tell that you're... well that you're not... umm. Well yeah. It's obvious."

I am shocked. I really thought I was as Canadian as maple pie.

And for something totally unrelated, here is a bird pooping in a guy's mouth.

Votre santé.

2008-01-20T16:16:00.000-05:00

Today was my first real foray into the 'socialized' health care of Canada. It really wasn't because I only went to the eye doctor, so it was kind of like socialized medicine with training-wheels. And the verdict? That was the best damned eye exam I've ever had.

It was time for me to get some new contacts because I've been having the worst headaches for the last month whenever I'm wearing my contacts. And my glasses are all old and crappy and greasy and scratched. The doctor was asian of course, because all of the people I know in Montreal seem to be from the far east. She died my eyes so they were all blue like in Dune.

And she gave me contacts for astigmatism. Because that's what I have. Also a very nice unibrowed man helped me pick all the different options for my glasses.

And the best part? I don't feel at all like a communist. The Gipper can go F himself, that lying bastard.

All better.

2008-01-17T01:59:00.000-05:00

I noticed that some of the pictures on here weren't showing up and I think I got it all fixed now. So if you've read something recently and it didn't make any sense, go back and try it again because there may be a nice little picture there now! And if it still doesn't make sense, than I would like to say, "How have you been, Joe Flamm?"

HEY-O!

Today.

2008-01-16T04:08:00.002-05:00

First off I would like to thank Philadelphia Collins for making an appearance. Your thoughts are taken to heart.

Next I would like to explain my weak offerings for blogs in the last week. I have actually been studying! Yes, even this early in the semester, I have been studying and even doing homework (something I've had an aversion to since I was 2). One of my New Year's Resolutions was to get an A+ in at least one class. You see, Concordia has this goofy grading system where they actually give +'s and -'s. So it is actually possible to get an A+ and I want one. And since I'm majoring in Accountancy, where better to start than Financial Accounting? So, even in the first week of the semester, I am actually doing homework. From a photocopied book.

And since I realized I was being a bit paranoid about the whole book thing, as a token of gratitude for your patience, here is a picture of one.

Also, to clear up the whole blood blister thing, here is where it happened. I was stepping off of the elliptical and I put my foot down right on that exact plug you will see in the picture. Right on those big ass metal blades of death. And I know they are supposed to be standardized, but I would be willing to bet that, through some manufacturing error, the metal plugs on this specific wall adapter are up to, if not greater than, 8 times the size of normal metal plugs. At least that's the way it felt on my foot right when I walked all over those bloodthirsty folded electrical conductors of hate. I have set up a nice little re-enactment because the gigantic plug in question is now banished to being pushed under the couch. Yes, I pulled it out into the light of night just to give you all a glimpse.

And this is a picture of the crime scene.

And this is a picture of my foot one week (almost to the hour) later. (Note gigantic blood blister that hurt like the sizzling bacon of Lucifer when Kathryn unmercifully lanced it with a needle)

And this is a picture of a pony.

And this is a picture of Skeletor.

WHY?

2008-01-14T03:01:00.000-05:00

How come after 60+ years, we humans still haven't come up with anything more delicious than the peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a big ol' bowl of cereal?

Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

The teacher.

2008-01-11T01:34:00.000-05:00

I had class today. Well, two classes, actually. But let's just talk for a minute about the first. It was Marketing, which is one that I have been dreading since I registered for it months ago. I have been dreading it because I assumed it would be a semester-long torture chamber of business-speak (you know what I'm talking about - "the integrated solutions of a global-level customer focused small business blah blah blah...") and I also thought that it would do what most of my business classes have done so far which is remove all thought and feeling from people and make them into emotionless money-hoarding idiots that must be coaxed into giving the honest businessmen of the world their cold, hard cash.

I was right.

But there is something quite good about the class. It's something that is so good that when I was in class, I took out a pen and paper and wrote, "Note to self - Write blog about teacher's hilarious habit."

For a good mental image, he looks EXACTLY like Jin from Lost. Picture Jin here with a pink tie.

So here is my teacher's habit:

You know when you are asking someone a question that you KNOW they know the answer to and they just... can't... think... of... it...? And you know that odd little thing we all do where we attempt to let the person save face by saying the answer syllable-by-syllable VERY slowly? Let me give you an example.

"Hey, Francis. Do you know who the first president of America was?"
"Oh, yeah Raul. Sure I know it. It was... uhhh. Ummm... Oh what the fuck was his name? I can picture him. With the hair. On the money. With the slaves. What is his name? Come on. I know this" (ETC.)
"Jooooo......joooooooooorrrrrrr.....joooooorrrrrrrrrrrggggggeeeee...."
"Oh yeah George Washington!"

Well my teacher does that. And he really drags out the syllables. Like he REALLY DRAGS them out. People were laughing at him openly. And others were dumbfounded. It was like putting on a record of an opera and then holding your finger along the edge to really slow that bastard down.

But unfortunately for everyone in that class, he does his little syllable-thing at odd times to questions that nobody knows the answer to. This is what he did, and I have the notes to prove it.

"What should business try and make?" was his question. Now this is a pretty broad question. Money would be my first guess. Or a better world. Or something big and general. That would be why he is asking us, wouldn't it? That's not how he sees it. What followed was a 45 second-long syllable stream that was as funny as it was awkward.

"Looooooooo....loooooooonnnnnnn......looooonnnnnnngggggggg. Long. Long tttttttt..... long tteeeeeeeeerrrrrrr...."

And he saw it out to the bitter end. I'll spare you and my keyboard the rest of the drawn-outness of his answer. What he was looking for was "Long-term profitable customer-driven strategy." It was on the tip of my tongue. I swear.

Oh and mom, I'm sorry I didn't call back the other night. Kathryn lanced my blood blister and it hurt really bad and I laid on the couch in pain for a while. Then it was too late to call. It is much better today. I love you.

The books. (Or how a Chinese man in a red hat saved me $300)

2008-01-08T03:50:00.001-05:00

I have gone back and forth about writing this because, frankly, it is a tale of some not-so legal activities. I've decided it is too great and odd a tale to keep to myself. So, for the sake of those involved, I will omit some details but the store is as it happened.

Here goes...

I have been dreading buying textbooks for this semester because they are so expensive. An Asian friend of mine gave me a phone number to call (I think it was the equivalent of giving me a "he's with me" card). This person - who shall remain nameless, but only because I cannot pronounce their real name, only their fake English name - suggested I call this phone number and they will give me copies of my textbooks that a *cough* Mr. Xerox *cough* gave them. (Get it?)

Today, I called the number. I was all giddy and felt like I was doing something all bad and it was this big cool thing. I had my list of textbooks I needed and I wasn't too sure of what to expect.

RING RING RING...
"Herro?" - Asian Woman (Editor's note : Herr0 = Hello)
"Yes, hello. Umm... Hi. I uh... need some books?" - Me
"Wha nahbah?" Asian Woman (Wha nahbah = What number)
"Umm... I'm sorry. Do you want uhhh... like the ISBN number or..." - Me
"Coos nahbah" - Asian Woman (Coos nahbah = Course number)

I tell her and she tells me the price for all my books. And then comes the best part.

"You meet him outside of (coffee store whose name I won't say because I don't want to ruin the racket they have going with the textbooks), ok?" - Asian Woman
"How will I..." - Me
"Chinese man wearing red hat. 7:30. Don't be late. Bye." - Asian Woman

So now I have the drop-point! Fast forward 3 hours and about 200 of my shitty jokes about the Yakuza and how, "these aren't the kind of people we should be messing with."

Rollin deep in the Toyota (don't say I don't know about fitting in), Kathryn and I pull up to the "spot" and I wonder how easy it will be to pick out "our guy".

It was very easy. It was like a bad TV show. There was a 20-something Asian kid wearing nice clothes, a black puffy coat, and the most dollar-store bright-ass plain red hat you have ever seen standing on the corner. He was all pacing around and looking at his watch and carrying the most conspicuous plastic bag of books you've ever seen.

$130 later, I have 75 pounds of textbooks that would have cost me well over $400, as well as a new found kinship with red-hatted Asians.

In honor of Mike.

2008-01-04T20:17:00.000-05:00

As I'm sure most of you know, Mike Huckabee won the Iowa Primary last night. This is the first step in his journey to become president. As I chronicled here, he is a bad man. But don't just take my word for it. Take a look at the reaction by our dog Zoe.

And, no, that cabinet won't save you from the 350 pound sadist in stripes, Zoe.

How far we've come.

2008-01-04T18:20:00.001-05:00

A little more than a century ago, Henry Ford spoke very eloquently about his vision of the future. He said something along the lines of every working man will be able to afford an automobile and nobody will be able to imagine life without it. Looking back 100 years later, he couldn't have been more accurate.

Winston Churchill once spoke of the Nazi threat and said that if England were to rise up and defeat the Nazis, it would be looked back upon as their "finest hour".

In the 60s, the founder of Intel, Gordon Moore, said that the amount of transistors that can be fit onto a computer chip will double every 2 years. Even today, "Moore's Law" still applies.

Also in the 60s, JFK pledged to put man on the moon before the end of the decade. On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. MAYBE.

What am I talking about? What do all of these things have in common?

They are all great feats of man that have happened since Josephine Cochrane invented the dishwasher in 1886.

And yet today I arched down and slopped water and apple-scented soap all over some dirty ass old dishes. I HATE washing dishes. Why can't every home in North America have a dishwasher?

There I am, like some sort of poor African child. At least I have a computer, which is something that separates me from the poor people of the world.

Oh yeah that whole One Laptop Per Child thing. Well I feel like I've been brought down a couple notches, don't I?

One other thing I wanted point out that is wrong with the world is the folded toilet paper in hotels. If you've been to a hotel anytime in the last few decades, you'll know just what I'm talking about. Kathryn and I stayed in a very lovely hotel for New Years, and everything was just lovely. JUST LOVELY. Except the toilet paper fold. Since Kathryn and I forgot our cameras in Montreal and were walking around like tourists with a disposable camera, I didn't take a picture of it then. But I wouldn't let you all down, so here's a reenactment I did here in our apartment.

I can see how, to some hotel executive, this can be seen as giving the room that "extra little touch!" But that is exactly the problem. That extra little TOUCH. As in someone has purposely touched the toilet paper. And that person was neither me, nor a sanitary robot-being, so that is bad.

People spend literally billions of dollars a year on products and things that protect our most sensitive of areas from the unwashed masses. Right now I am wearing underwear and shorts so that the world and its dirty fingernails and oddly scented hands cannot infect my ass.

Please, kind cleaning lady (or man), don't touch anymore toilet paper. If you get fired for not folding the toilet paper and get shipped off to some poor distant land, don't fret. We will send you a laptop.

Back in Canada.

2008-01-03T02:08:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say HOLLER to all my people. We're back in Montreal now. Kathryn and I came back to a foot and a half of snow and blistering cold weather. Thanks fronts. Specifically cold fronts.

We had a great week with everyone even though it was a whirlwind. Too little time, too many people I love to see, and too much food that I didn't get to eat. One person I didn't get to see enough that I really wanted to spend more time with was Tim and here I publicly apologize to him. Also I have about 30 cousins and aunts and uncles and one grandma that I didn't get to see... So to everyone I MISS YOU and please understand.

Now with that all out of the way, I just want to say that I have the coolest parents ever. I can tell you, with an open heart and a clear conscience, that nobody else got a wolf blanket from their parents for Christmas except me. I'll get some pictures on here soon as soon as I unroll that hoss.

Before I go to bed, I have a little scenario that has been playing out in my head for the last 3 hours and I wanna tell you all about it. Take a walk with me, will you? Let's go back in time 150 years to 1858. Let's say we're sitting around talking to some railroad tycoon and I'm telling him about the future.

"Well, Mr. Tycoon, you see trains really peaked a long time ago. They lost a lot of small- to mid-range business to cars. Cars are these little machines that drive around and they ruin the environment and kill people, but we love them," I say after we all have had a nice brunch.

"Yes, yes, I see what you mean, future-person. Hey, is everyone in the future all fat like you?" he replies. His jovial tone belies the disgust in his eyes.

"No Mr. Tycoon. They are not," I awkwardly stammer. As our eyes meet, he can see the shame I am trying desperately to hide. He peers over my shoulder and sees all of you giving sympathetic looks to the back of my head. He brings our conversation back to the issue of travel.

"Oh well, anyways, what replaces the long-range travel in the future?" he says with a whimsical raise of his bushy brows.

"Well Mr. Tycoon, the long-distance travel is all done on airplanes. They are these gigantic metal tubes that fly through the air at a few-hundred miles-per-hour at upwards of 30,000 feet. Millions of people move about the world on airplanes." I say.

"Well you are the devil and that is crazy-talk! How do they keep from crashing?" he chokes.

"The entire industry is heavily regulated by the government. It is funny because it is something that the airline industry fought hard against, but it is the best thing for them. It is very safe and it made the world a smaller place." I retort.

"Well this airline business sure sounds like the best thing ever!" he spits, with a giddiness that makes his eyes sparkle like the North Star.

"Well there is one thing, Mr. Tycoon. It is something really, really bad about flying. It really is horrible and there is no way around it?" I explain.

"What. The. Fuck. You. Lying. Fat. Future. Man. Flying is the best thing ever. What could possibly be so bad?" he hisses through gritted teeth. You all take a few steps back because he is pissed.

"Well there are these bastard people called 'baggage handlers' that gain pleasure from throwing people's luggage around. Why in fact, in a trip from Chicago to Montreal I was just on, the heathen 'baggage handlers' ripped off my nice little name tag and broke a zipper off of my luggage." I explain.

He weeps. We let ourselves out quietly. Oddly enough, we ALL forgot to tell him to warn Abe Lincoln not to go to that play in about 7 years.

He would have forgotten to warn ol' Honest Abe anyway, though. Right?

And you say Chi-City.

2007-12-26T20:04:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas to all. I talked to a lot of you and emailed some others. For everyone else, I wish you a belated Merry Christmas. Also Happy Boxing Day! Canada and shit.

I don't have too much to report. I'm just kinda packing and we're getting ready for our trip back to Chicago. I'll really try and post while I'm there, but I can't promise it because we'll be really busy and we have a lot to do.

Also, this video is the best eight-and-a-half minutes I've ever invested in anything on the internet and I advise you all to do the same. And no, I'm not going to turn this into a political blog. I just get really into primary season. It's like the playoffs in baseball - do-or-die mentality, rich people making a name for themselves, and people that don't understand think it's all a big joke. For us that do understand are are passionate:

(Click on the big arrow in the middle to play)

Until next time, Happy Birthday Dave!

My crappy cooking show.

2007-12-24T01:05:00.000-05:00

I guess I'm more like my father than either of us would think. For those of you who don't know my father, he is a great man, EXTREMELY intelligent, loving, and perpetually happy. He also has this little habit of talking to himself. I guess everyone does it a bit, but my dad talks to himself probably more than most. Not excessively. On the bell curve of talking to yourself, he's probably in the μ+σ (mu plus sigma) to μ+2σ (mu plus two sigma) range:

Incidentally, the Greek alphabet is the most practical thing I learned my 3 semesters of calculus at South Suburban.

Anyway, earlier I was preparing some cheesy potatoes for Christmas Eve with Kathryn's family tomorrow, and I realized that I talk to myself. Not a lot, but enough that it was kind of eye-opening.

Let me go off course for a minute here. Talking to yourself is something that "they" say smart people do. You know that vague, "Oh well they say that you shouldn't blah blah blah," or, "Yeah they were saying that this summer is gonna be HOT!" or any other very general statement that people say that they want to put a nonexistent expert behind. So you think, "Well they say smart people talk to themselves... I talk to myself...therefore I must be smart!" But in reality "they" are people that talk to themselves and are trying to make people think they are smart. When I started losing my hair in my late teens, people would tell me, "Oh well they say that bald men look more distinguished." That's all well and good except that "they" are insecure bald men who started this whole silly mess about being distinguished. Also, I wasn't a 50 year old man submitting my life's work for peer review... I was 17! You know what I say? THEY suck.

So back to me talking to myself -

I was preparing the potatoes, and it took about 45 minutes. In that 45 minutes I said all of 5 things. If you had a microphone in the kitchen, this is what you would have heard.

"How in the fuck do you LOSE a cheese-grater?" Because it was $3 cheaper for the big ol' slab of cheddar than the pre-shredded bag, I had to grate that whole monster down. Unfortunately for me, the cheese-grater grew little cheesy legs and ran off to hide somewhere.

"You little piece of shit cheese-grater." This is how I say hi to the cheese-grater when I do find it. Out loud.

"Oh that's a nice little chunk of cheddar." Take that literally. You gotta eat the little nub of cheese at the end. It was good.

"AHHH That's fuckin' sick." (TWICE) Let me explain. I'm a vegetarian so I obviously don't cook with meat. I almost always cook things that can be tasted at virtually every stage of preparation. Do you want a taste of the pasta sauce even though it's only been cooking for a minute? Go for it. It's just cold and unseasoned. Now I have this up-until-now perfectly fine habit of licking spoons that I scoop things with and then rinsing them off. Just for a little taste. Today, though, I was cooking with butter and sour cream. Add this all up and it equals me licking a big old nasty spoonful of butter (SICK) and then like a dumbass, a big ol' hefty spoonful of sour cream.

Both times, I talked to myself. Out loud. After midnight. In the kitchen. Alone.

Anyway, they say that guys named Bebo that have blogs are super cool and can hold their own with a blade. Watch out for that.

Another funny subtitle.

2007-12-20T17:50:00.000-05:00

This is a video that's going around the internet a bit. It's quite freaky, but that's not the reason I'm putting it up here. At about 0:15, you will see just what I'm talking about with the laziness of subtitle writers these days.

Look out, Shakespeare! Watch your back, Poe! Forget, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." because we now have "Paul Karason - Has Blue Skin"!

You, Mr./Mrs. Subtitle Writer, are the Jackson Pollock of subtitles. Where 99% of the world says, "Shit, I could do that if I had enough beer and didn't care about ruining my hardwood floors," that 1% of pretentious art-snobs will "see the genius of your work."

Keep it up, soldier!

The SNOW.

2007-12-20T02:42:00.000-05:00

The snow is finally finished. I hope. I don't have total numbers on how much we got, but it's taller than knee-high, but not quite waist-high. Our car was so packed in from a drift and the plow that the snow was higher than the hood. All you could see was the back window. It was nutty.

I don't have too much to report other than the meteorological status of our island. Being off school is quite nice. I've been catching up on some reading, doing a little painting, donating my time to my favorite philanthropic organizations, and really working on reading for next semester's classes. And in case you didn't actually click on all the links, I'm actually eating, sleeping, shitting, and going on digg. Life is good.

I've also been watching a lot of news and I am really getting psyched about the presidential primaries. If you're wondering who I want to win, I'm rooting for anyone that is black. And if that doesn't happen, my next favorite choice is anyone that is a woman. Hopefully someone fitting those criteria will make it through the primaries. (Obama/Clinton 2008)

One person, however, I really, really hope DOESN'T win is a man named Mike Huckabee. He's running for the Republican nomination. I don't want him to win for many reasons, but here are the top 3.

1. He believes that "Women should submit to their husbands". I'm not going to say anything more than this - that is what everyone thought ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO. If he were running one thousand years ago for political office, he may be running against David. As in David from the Bible. Not David my brother. Or David my father. David, the King of Israel.

2. Recent presidents haven't had the greatest luck with their children. The current Bush's daughters are drunks and miscreants. George H.W. Bush's son is the worst person since Hitler. Bill had Chelsea and that was Ok. But Mike Huckabee, well his son captured a dog, tortured it, and then murdered it. And then Mike Huckabee covered it all up. I just have one thing to say about this. Hey, Huckabee - Michael Vick called. He was asking if you can do anything for him, too. ZING!

3. Most importantly, this is a picture of his family.

This picture is more powerful than any negative ads his opponents can throw at him. All fat with their stripes. Come on now. LOOK AT THEM!

I can't believe the big bastard in the middle wasn't like, "Jesus dad, you're seriously talking about running for president. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! And you're gonna let mom make us take this ridiculous picture? All the people at school will make fun of me! These stripes aren't slimming. Can't we at least wear black? Ok fine. But I'm warning you, if I have to wear this crappy shirt, and take this crappy picture, I'm gonna get back at you by killing a dog. You like that? We'll see what the voters think about that! You think you're gonna be "electable" with that hanging over your head? Asshole. Sexist."

Wow!

2007-12-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

So my finals are finally over and I now turn my undivided back to blogging for you all! That seriously sucked, all of those finals back to back to back to back to back. I was studying like 12 hours a day, everyday. However, I am now able to kick back for a few weeks and just chillax and get ready for semester two at Concordia. Enough of me bitching, though.

As I'm sure you all know, yesterday was a very important day. Among other things, it marked the anniversary of the day that the Bill of Rights took effect, Walt Disney died, and of course, the day that I was born. Yes, I am now a quarter of a century old!

My day went as such - I had a final (of course) and then Kathryn, Tara, and Steph took me downtown to get my drink on! We met up with Johnsy, Jen, Kat, Pookie, and my buddy Rob from school. It was a good time had by all, even when we were frozenly and drunkenly walking through downtown Montreal in search of the falafel place that's open until 4AM. So thank you to everyone who came out last night or called or emailed me to wish me a Happy Birthday. And thanks Mom and Dad for bringing me into this world.

Oh and it snowed like a dirty madman out there today. I'm going to take a picture of it with the sun's help tomorrow. I'll post it here, and then you will see how cold and crappy and soft and delicate snow is. Only then.

I was going to just keep it there and go to bed, but since it's been weeks since I've posted something of substance, I owe you all this. Plus, there is one thing that I've been wanting to blog about for like 3 weeks now, but I keep forgetting. Now's the time. I ain't forgetting anymore.

It all started when I was watching the news (I think it was CNN but it doesn't much matter) and Anne Lennox was on there talking about something or another. What I thought was interesting was how on the screen, it said -

Annie Lennox
Singer/ Musician

I thought to myself, "Why would they have to put that? Doesn't everyone know that she's a singer? Even if they don't know any of her songs, people still know that she's a singer. And if they don't, does that tiny little description do anything to give the viewer a clearer picture of the life and music of Ms. Lennox?" I don't think so, but that sent me down a path that I'm going to guide you all down now. It's an introspective into the art and science of the subtitles they put under people's names on the news.

Annie Lennox (No Subtitle)

Paul McCartney

Michael Jackson

I don't claim to have answers, only questions. But for now, I am claiming to have a serious case of needing some sleep. Goodnight all.

WTF?

2007-12-13T00:38:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in forever! I've been elbow-deep in books studying for my finals. I have one today (Thursday) and then one Saturday and then I'm free as a bird. So just ride out this last little wave of cramming with me preddy-puh-leeze and I'll get back to talking about how fat I am in an attempt to make you all laugh.

Oh and the Cubs signed Fukudome. Nothing says "we haven't won the World Series in literally one hundred years and need help from the Japanese" like spending $48 million dollars on a 30-year old Japanese guy coming off an elbow injury. As much as I like the whole thing, this begs the question - Mom, why didn't you raise me a Yankee fan?

Finally!

2007-12-07T00:20:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, everyone! It's been crazy with the finals over here. I'm goin' outta my flippin' mind. (Sounds better if you say it with a Bridgeport accent, {Oh and for my Canadian friends that don't know what Bridgeport is, just do a crappy New York accent.})

So, for anyone that doesn't know, my sister had her baby! Julian was born on December 4th and is beautiful. Kat and I will get to see him in 3 weeks and we are counting the days. Here's a picture of him.

I try to be very careful not to make other people's business too public on this here blog. Mostly this is out of respect for people's privacy. The reason I'm putting Julian's picture on here is quite simple though. Other than the fact he's on the internet in other places *coughMySpacecough*, he's too teenie-tiny and scrunched up of a little baby to keep this picture to myself. Je t'aime, Julian. Je t'aime!

Moving on to other business, I have a funny little story for you. Tonight at 7pm I had a final. Kat drove me and then went grocery shopping while I was taking it and picked me up after.

...On a side note, I could rant for weeks about how crappy my crappy computer class was. But I took the final earlier today and it's OVER! Thank God. Now, back to the story...

While we were driving home, she mentioned that she got me a surprise at the grocery store! I was quite happy and was licking my chops at the chocolate-crunchy-salty-melty-cheesy-Perriery delights that she must have gotten for me. After all, I love chocolate, potato chips, melted cheese, and Perrier. It must have been one of those, right? RIGHT?

WRONG!

While unpacking the groceries, she showed me the little bundle of surprise. T'was this:

Nothing says "I think you're fat and you drink too much pop" like a 250 ml (about 8.5 oz) little bottle of cola named Chubby. I love you too, Kathryn.

Also, I drank it fast and that's why it's empty in the picture. Just to prove a point. But actually because it was delish.

There is one more thing that has been really bothering me for a while. If you haven't played around with it, the little gadget on the left over there is called an artist quilt. If you hover your mouse over it, it'll name all the bands that I listen to. They get collected on this website Last.fm and then they are displayed here. It's really cool and anyone can say, "Woah! Bebo likes the band _______ (fill in the blank)."

But if you look at it long enough, you will see an anomaly. I do not like Arrested Development. Well, I do and that's why it's on there, but it's the wrong one. I watch TV shows on my iPod and they get counted on Last.fm just like songs. But Last.fm thinks I like Arrested Development the band.

They are known for their hit song "Tennessee". You all remember it! "Take me to a-nah-tha place. Take me to a-nah-tha land. Help me somethinnn somethinnn else. Cuz that guy Bebo sure is thaaaaa man." Well it goes something like that.

But I don't like the BAND Arrested Development! I like the now-canceled TV show Arrested Development.

It is known for being hilarious. So don't think I'm going through a 90's pop-culture afro-centric retro thing. I just like the show Arrested Development and I wish they would bring it back.

Back to reality now. In conclusion, thank you Chubby for an intense little expedition through the world of oddly-sized and oddly-named beverages, thank you Last.fm for making me embarrassed of my TV show watching habits, and most importantly thank you Angie for giving us all Julian!

A funny realization.

2007-12-03T04:17:00.001-05:00

So earlier today, Kat and I were having a little discussion about something-or-another, and it dawned on her that I am an immigrant. It was quite funny when she threatened to call the cops on me and have me deported for being a jerk to her. I was faking like I was appalled, but I found it funnier than she did because, frankly, I had never thought of it like that. It is the ultimate trump card for her though.

One possible conversation:

"Bebo, do the recycling." - Kat (even though she would never say this because she is the best)
"Baby I'm so busy doing homework. I'll do it tomorrow or in January. Whichever doesn't come first." - Bebo while watching YouTube video of kid falling off slide for the 40th time
"What's the number for CIC?" - Empowered Kat
"Shall I do the dishes as well?" - Dejected Bebo, concerned for his personal security and safety

It was hilarious. And before you ask, YES she was joking.

My sister is gong to give us just what our family thrives on - a December baby! Unless she's game for waiting it out 4 more weeks.

Oh and finals start this week! Wish me luck everyone. More than that, wish me answers to questions. Specifically in the realm of Critical Business Thinking. And by wish me the answers, I mean tell me the answers.

Photoshop.

2007-11-30T02:10:00.000-05:00

So lately I've been really wanting to make my own template for my blog. Like all the buttons and the background and everything. Right now, even though I have adjusted it a good bit, it's a template that I picked from a big stack when I created this blog. I like it, but it's not ME.

To further go down this path of making my own unique blog page, I had two choices.

1) Kindly ask my girlfriend who makes extremely awesome websites in her (very limited) spare time to make something for me.

or

2) Learn how to use a few VERY difficult programs like Photoshop and Illustrator. Also, I would have to keep up my grades and there are finals coming soon and I've been sleeping very oddly lately and.... well you get the picture.

The obvious answer is #1 - ask Kat. So that is why I am going with #2. Because I like doing things the complicated and randomly unnecessarily wrong way.

Step 1 of making a new website - On to Photoshop!

Photoshop is an extremely powerful tool that lets people do basically anything they want to a picture. It has transformed the magazine business and has basically made any picture you look at fake. And any time you see and image and you think that it is real, just ask yourself, "Did they REALLY blow up the Death Star?"

Before I show you all my first foray into the land of digital photo editing, I would like to show you, very quickly, what this tool does in the hands of professionals (that's what she said).

(SOURCE)

Truly amazing.

Now, let's see what happens when you put that same sweet digital photo-enhancing wonder in front of me.

You think I'm joking about the BeboRobot? It's not a game right now.

Thank you and good night.

You must be a tourist.

2007-11-26T22:49:00.000-05:00

Sunday, Kat and I decided to go out for a little cruise around Montreal. I've lived here for about 3 1/2 months and there are many thing I still haven't seen. I know the area around my school very well, and obviously the neighborhood we live in, but there are large chunks of the island I've yet to see.

I invite you to come on a mini-tour with me. Filled with wonder and passion. Danger around every corner. Asians with cameras! Come now, shall we?

Driving to the east end of Montreal, there is a gigantic green orb perched on the side of the mountain. It is Saint Joseph's Oratory.

(SOURCE)
Like the Sears Tower, you can see it from far away and it is cool. As you drive further east, another monster looms out from behind the buildings and trees. It is the Olympic Stadium.

(SOURCE)
It is where the Expos used to play. It is truly a magnificent sight.

I didn't take either of the above two photos, I just google-jacked 'em. I just wanted to give you an all-encompassing journey through our Sunday. So after the stadium, we head south. We cross the bridge and pull off to take pictures of the whole island. Kat and I got some really cool ones.

You can click on them for a bigger size. So now comes the fun part. We are driving up to the spot where we took these pictures and its really secluded. It's snowy and cold and a Sunday on an almost deserted island. Well the island isn't really deserted - there's an amusement park and a casino there. But right then it was deserted. Or so I thought.

So Kat pulls off into this snowy parking lot kind of thing, and sure enough, there is a busload of Asian tourists taking pictures of everything in sight. It was quite funny and Kat got this nice picture of the bridge with some of our friends in it.

The truth is that I am no different than them. We were driving around Montreal so I could take pictures. Well except that we weren't on a chartered bus. And there isn't this long standing stereotype that fat Americans and their Canadian girlfriends compulsively take pictures. Or is there?

The last stop was this gigantic metal sphere thing. The funny thing about it is your insticnts ruin the picture. Instinctively, you get closer to something you are going to photograph. And if the thing is small, you are a better person for having done that. Compare that to something that is, say, huge and cloaked in trees. Then you just get twigs and metal bars and a Canadian flag.

As I was taking this picture, the unmistakable rumble of a diesel engine started to get louder as a bus of our Asian friends drove up, point-blank, to the large metal dome. I bet their pictures SUCKED!

Crunch time.

2007-11-25T01:21:00.000-05:00

Things have been getting close to GO time. There is only one more week of school for me, only one month to get your Christmas shopping done, and oh yeah my sister is days, if not hours, away from having a baby! On top of all of that, it's been COLD out. Like "Oh shit I really do live in Canada" cold. But that is the path I have chosen.

Friday I had to give my group presentation and we KILLED. The mini-U.N. as I have dubbed us, gave a coherent presentation about Tim Hortons and I was very proud. In addition to our speech, Tony, the Chinese guy I told you about HERE, got to experience a great first that I was a part of. Let me explain.

As the groups were presenting (we had to do a 10 minute group speech about any company - we chose Tim Hortons) many gave samples of products. A group that did Second Cup gave away coffee, the group that did Hershey's gave away Kisses, and the group that did Molson gave away beer. Yes, at noon, in an accredited university in a democratic country in North America, beer was given away.

The group poured it into little cups and people could take as much as they wanted. I had a cup and immediately wished that this group had gone first as the beer was quite warm by then. Well Tony got himself a lil' cup of beer and had a gigantic grin walking back to his desk. He told me that he's never had beer before but always wanted to try it.

Fast-forward a few minutes to the group giving their presentation and I watch as Tony takes his little cup, places it against his lips, throws his neck back violently and dumps 8-10 ounces of warm Molson down his throat. I stared on in horror as he cringed his face up and shouted, "AHHHHHHH I DID NOT LIKE IT!" The group stopped presenting and everyone stared at him as he shook out the disgust. Truly a hilarious moment.

One interesting fact to note. It isn't totally random that the group presented Molson Beer - We are all in the John Molson School of Business at Concordia University. It is named after the man that invented Molson beer. - John Molson.

Thanksgiving.

2007-11-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

So here we are. Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Although it wasn't very traditional here in Montreal (we didn't roast a turkey and Kat had to work) it still felt how I wanted it to. Kathryn and I had a great time together and I got to talk to my family on the phone. I cooked a grand feast and it was just what I wanted.

Some highlights:

The French on the Tofurkey.

It was a festin fit for a roi.

The snowy backdrop to a late-autumn holiday.

Oh and still no wolf blanket! (I know it's getting old now. I'll stop soon.)

The dinner spread I spent all day in front of a hot stove making.

The spread basically looked the same after we ate because, as Kathryn told me many times, "There's only two of us!" And it turns out that she's right. I counted myself twice because I was by a mirror and I got confused.

It's tradition in my household that on Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. Far be it for me to let 850 miles and the Boarder Patrol get in the way of tradition, so here goes.

I'm thankful for...

The greatest girlfriend in the whole world that is also my best friend and my biggest fan. She laughs at all my dumb jokes even when they aren't funny and she understands me better than I do myself. I barely deserve her, but don't tell her that! I LOVE YOU BABY!

My mother has a heart the size of most African nations' GDPs and she taught me how to love and laugh and how to treat people and I'll always be her little baby.

I have a sister that is the strongest, most beautiful person a boy could have as a big sister and she has blessed us all with the cutest baby in the whole world.

My mentor and role model and inspiration and best friend in the whole world is my brother. One day I'll step out of his gigantic shadow and make him as proud of me as I am of him.

I have a father that works like a dog at a job he hates to give my brother, sister, and me a fighting chance in this world. He is my hero and I love him.

There are many other things that I am thankful for, but those are the most important to me right now. After a month of B.S. posts, you had to know a mushy one was coming soon enough, right?

So last night I watched the finale of The Bachelor.

2007-11-20T21:27:00.001-05:00

As most of you know, in Canada they have Thanksgiving much earlier than in America. It is the second Monday in October and this year was on October 8th. Ironically enough, Kathryn and I went to Chicago for Canadian Thanksgiving and we will be in Montreal on American Thanksgiving.

But we will not wallow around in late-autumn Thursdayness! Thanks to my parents and certain Canadian grocers, I am armed with an arsenal of vegetarian-friendly Thanksgiving recipes and goods.

Yes, we will be having an honest-to-goodness fat-ass American Thanksgiving right here in the great white north. We went shopping earlier and are ready to get our grub on. While shopping earlier, Kat kept saying, "Why are you buying so much food? There's only two of us." Two, indeed. Unfortunately for both of us, one of us happens to be a fat American.

Tomorrow night I have to prep the potatoes and then Thursday I'm ditching class to cook and eat and watch football and eat more and just have a grand day.

I'll keep you all informed as things shake out.

Oh and a quick note on the title. I haven't seen a full episode of the show ever and I NEVER watch it, but I really did watch The Bachelor last night. There was this surprise ending and it was all really crappy. AND I was reading a magazine throughout the show (really I was). So today, I turn to Kat and say "So last night I watched the finale of The Bachelor..." and she laughed very hard right in my face. For like 3 minutes. And then she said, "That should be the title of your next blog." And here we are.

'Til then...

My thoughts on Starbucks.

2007-11-18T23:02:00.000-05:00

Let me say that I love Starbucks coffee. Well, really their Iced Americanos. And I feel that Starbucks is a good company. They haven't changed their approach to doing things, they have raised the quality and people's expectations of coffee, and they are an American company that the world has a positive opinion of (i.e. NOT Wal-Mart).

But that doesn't mean that going to Starbucks to get coffee is always a pleasant experience. In fact, according to a very unscientific study taken today by a certain fat American man living in Montreal, Starbucks can sometimes be downright unpleasant! In all, I found it to be offensive to 3 of my 5 senses. Let me explain.

The 2 good ones:

- Taste. I love Iced Americanos, so they rank high in taste. Easy enough.

- Smell. This is only because 75% of taste comes from our sense of smell. Otherwise, this would be lower on the list.

The senses that were attacked by the Starbucks in Fairview mall:

- Sight. This was an unpleasant trip for my eyes because in general, people are kind of creepy. Take that to the next step and say that the people in a mall on a Sunday 10 minutes before closing aren't the best control group for a study on beauty. In the feng shui of people, they are the milk crates stacked up for end tables.

- Sound. Through a recent partnership between Apple and Starbucks, the iPhone and iPod Touch will be able to download music from the Starbucks you're in. Say you're in a Starbucks and you like a song that is playing through an overhead speaker, it will show right up on your iPod so you can download it for $.99

This is great, except that every single song that I have ever heard in a Starbucks has been horrible.

I rate bad music in my head by 1 of 2 scales. Either there is the playcount scale or there is the timer scale. The basis of either of these is how long you can listen to a song or genre or artist before you want to run away.

Examples:

This scores in the "Less than 1 Playcount and Under 1 Minute total time" zone of the scale. This means that the maximum I can listen to this is less than one complete play through and less than one minute. Bad either way.

This, on the other hand, would be in the "5 to 6 consecutive plays or 25-30 minute range" before I was done.

Get the basics of the scale? I hope so.

Anything I've ever heard at Starbucks has been in the "Instantly Done" category. As in STOP. So why would I want to download these songs? Moreover, why would I pay for them?

- Touch. This is directed at one man in particular. If I knew his name, I'd tell you so you could warn your friends about him. I don't though, so this will have to do: tall, dorky, French, and has one very bad habit.

"Oh God, Bebo, just tell me what is his bad habit!" you may be saying right now. Calm down.

Let me put it this way: If you are in a line (or as the Brits call them, queues) and you drop something, don't just bend over and grab it. Turn 90 degrees, check to make sure that you won't rub your French ass on people, then bend down to grab whatever it is you may have dropped. In the very unlikely situation that you cannot turn 90 degrees, then at least bend at the knees and not the waist. You, my coffee-drinking French companion of Starbuckery, have been blessed. You have been given the gift of having more than one moving joint on your body. See diagram :

Human Being (Many Joints)

(source)

Dunking Bird (One Joint)

(source)
See the difference?

It's all good.

2007-11-18T03:03:00.001-05:00

I feel that I don't put enough personal stuff on here so I am going to try to let my peeps in on my biz-nass. I don't want to lose my humorous posts though, so I will try and strike a balance. I will also try to post once a day. At least, I'll not go two consecutive days without some new stuff. Don't be afraid to comment, either. I'll do better to keep banter going on that front.

So it's about 3 AM early Sunday and I feel good. Kathryn and I had a wonderful day. She woke up at 10 when my alarm went off many times and I kept slapping my nightstand and phone and book and iPod and glasses and everything else except the alarm. I slept until much later. We watched some movies, ate some Thai food, and I drank Perrier from a can! Yes, I have developed a small obsession with Perrier. Am I a dirty Euro-trash mineral water drinking jackass? Not yet. I'm still too fat.

The web. Again.

2007-11-16T01:21:00.000-05:00

With regard to my critically acclaimed, oft-cited, pioneering article on the websites I like, I will give you all a few more nuggets of the internet with which you may cleanse your palette.

1) 43 Things. Basically you make a pledge to yourself to do 43 things. You don't have to pick 43, you can just do 5 or how many ever you wish. You can also learn a lot about different cool stuff. Fun.

2) Chicagoist. A cool little news roundup from my motherland (and the land of my mother!). Also links along the top to similar sites of the crappy places of the world. Houstonist? Shanghaiist? Come on now, people.

3) Shirt Woot. Like Woot, every day at midnight they roll out a new product. They are American Apparel shirts with really cool or funny designs on them. $10.

4) RCRD LBL. This is a new site that is kind of like a music discovery site. All free (and legal!) mp3's for download. I'll be checkin it out free-quently! HAHA get it? Free... BAH.

5) I Can Has Cheezburger. Confession. I think these are absolutely hysterical. And Kathryn hates me for it. They deal is there are these things called Lolcats. You either love them or hate them. Also there is a spin off of Lolcats is a Lolrus who is apparently in constant search for a bucket. God, I feel like a tool after talking about all that.

6) Concordia University. This is where I go to school. Well not the website. I go to the campus in downtown Montreal. What, did you think I go to school IN the website? What do I look like? The guy from Tron? Well if I did, it'd probably be less like the real Tron guy

(source)
and more like this fat Tron guy

(source)

The open letter.

2007-11-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

Ahh the open letter. Nothing says "I'm planning on insulting you in a humorous and anonymous way with a splash of sarcasm to boot" quite like it. Without further ado...

AN OPEN LETTER

...to people on public transportation everywhere -
Smile. Just a little. Life isn't that bad, is it? Oh and don't worry about showering or being an odd Pakistani with bad teeth staring at me. That part is all good.

...to my iPod touch -
Je t'aime.

...to my horrible picture-taking skills -
Hey, you do well enough to get by. Don't let them get you down!

...to people I am forced to be in groups with this semester -
Don't bother doing work. I'll get that all done. Oh and thank you for not speaking English. Our group speech will be much richer because of it. And also you can't say "Fucking time Horton" in the speech. Just say "Tim Horton's." Not time. Tim.

...to Ted Nugent -
You still around? If so, then die. If not, then thank God.

...to French people -
The glasses you wear are ridiculous. I have scoured the internet for a good example and there just isn't one in 0's and 1's yet. Y'all are just gonna have to believe me that French people wear the most nasty, busted-ass glasses. The only example I can give:
French -

(source)
Note the two-pronged attack where the arms begin that is so prevalent. And where they converge, we have a nice little treat! Some lime-ass-green.
English -

(source)
What? Where's the arms and colors and randomness? Just some glasses? Bah.

...to OJ -
You murdered two people and got away with it! And now your dumb ass is going to jail for an autographed football.

...to the dancing Indian boy -

Keep fighting the good fight.

...to the guy on the couch in the video above -
You are FREAKING everyone out.

...to the brains behind Chinese Buffet Fu Lam in Dollard-des-Ormeaux -
Occasionally we all feel that tap on the shoulder and whisper in the ear that is a great idea. Is it God? Is it the ghost of Leonardo da Vinci? Is it sheer random dumb luck? Could be one; could be all. What matters most isn't the source of our muse, but how we use it to make the Earth a better place. And you, my Chinese friend(s), have done just that. You took the mundane broccoli and made it a medley of broccoli, odd juices, and random chunks of indiscernible meat. Where others see green beans, you have the stugots to say "those beans need to have vomit-inducing octopus tentacles in them!" Even though as a vegetarian I am completely disgusted, it isn't because you are vile beyond words. It is because I didn't think of it first.

Not really. That's seriously disgusting.
(Side note. In the link for the buffet, why are there 4 stars for service? IT'S A BUFFET! Unless this is some kind of egotistical vote, I have lost hope in the internet and its ability to fairly and objectively rate a local dining establishment.)

...to the bastard -
Put the damned wolf blanket back. Please?

The iPod.

2007-11-12T22:44:00.001-05:00

So I'm officially a cool kid. I have a shiny new iPod Touch!

(source)
It's basically the coolest thing I've ever had. While some may disagree (sorry Mickey) it's Apple's way of saying "Sorry other countries, but you won't be getting the iPhone. Here's the next best thing."

As to how I got it, let's just say that if anyone asks about me, my name is Julio and you haven't seen me for like, at LEAST 6 months. Not really but that sounds like I am a total badass.

That's all for now. I'm going to play with my new iPod for the next several hours and I'll try and post something more original and comical, hopefully with pictures, in the next day or so. I just don't want to wait too long in between posts or else people forget about me.

Until then, in honor of my girlfriend liking pierogies more than The Godfather :

Anatomy of a procrastination.

2007-11-10T01:42:00.000-05:00

This may come as a shock to most of you, but I am in fact a procrastinator. This will occasionally get in the way of me doing things that I should. Take tonight for example:

11:00 - "Goodnight Kathryn! I'm going to work on my paper! I was going to work on it this Sunday but I'll go ahead and get a nice head start! I'm GREAT and PRODUCTIVE!"

11:10 - "Now that my email is all checked and I got all my books and everything, I'll sit down and start-a-writin!"

11:15 - "You know what I haven't had in a while? Some nice tea! Well that's probably because I kind of hate hot tea, but now seems as good a time as any to start up a nice lil' cup, yeah?"

11:18 - "Damn that tea is hot! I'll sit here and blow on it for 3 minutes instead of writing while the law of thermodynamics about heat being pulled into the air and getting turned into unavailable energy and all that gets it's groove on. No I'll just blow on it. For the next 3 minutes."

11:21 - "I think it's cooled off enough now to get a little taste. Annnnnnnndddddd - wow hot tea is kinda nasty. It would be much more to my liking if it was coffee. Now it's a time to get my write on."

11:45 - "Damn Food Network sucks at night!"

12:03 - "I think I'll have some chocolate cake to get the ol' battery charged up for a little wright-fest. Wow Wright is the name of the people that first flew. I was just on an airplane."

12:10 - "Got my cake on, got my water on, now it's time to get my Herzberg on."

I haven't yet told you all about the topic of my paper. I shit you not - "How to Motivate Employees." Never say I don't understand irony.

Soon thereafter, I write the 3 page paper I have been dreading and stressing about for the last 7 weeks. An hour later, it was finished. I wonder what would happen if I just got shit done in the rest of my life? What would I be like?

(source)

Fuck it. Where's the rest of the chocolate cake?

The update. (As promised)

2007-11-07T16:03:00.000-05:00

I don't want this to be too negative or sound like I'm fuming about it or anything. I'm more disappointed.

Doesn't it seem like every time you have something good in your life some jackass comes and rips it away? I don't mean anything big, but the little things.

When you get a good spot on the bus, some old bastard hobbles over and waits for you to get up.

If you stay up late to watch Letterman, it's a rerun.

Or, say you build a Death Star. Some bastard comes along and blows it up. And maybe Darth Vader and the Emperor REALLY liked the Death Star. Like the two of them and their friends would laugh about it and then make plans to use it in all different sorts of ways. It wasn't evil. It was just funny.

Well the son of a bitch Skywalker that I estimate to live in about 1F came along and dropped a bomb on us all. Maybe it's because the winter, maybe because he read this and got embarrassed, but the reason is not important. This is what I came back to Montreal to find.

Yes the wolf blanket is gone. For all the uglyness it brought to that courtyard, it brought much more joy to our hearts and lives. I hope that Skywalker over there is using it at night and it is too warm and he gets really sweaty and can't find a comfortable temperature. That's the only justice I can think of.

The trip.

2007-11-06T22:02:00.000-05:00

So I've been home now for almost 24 hours, had 4 slices of pizza, drank 1 glass containing 4 shots of espresso with 6 ice cubes, redeemed 9 free songs on iTunes, and studied for 1 math test tomorrow. Numbers are beautiful aren't they?

The trip was many things, both awesome and sad. I will now give you my top and bottom things from my weekend (+ Monday) trip back to my hometown, the city of Chicago.

First the good things:

-I had the grand fortune to be with my sister on her birthday and at a time when she needed me. I love her dearly.

-My dog is still fat. This is good because she's so cute.

-I cooked for everyone for my sister's birthday and either everyone really liked it or they are good liars.

-My niece Nola is the most adorable baby imaginable. She weakens all around her to the most dribbling baby talk and games of peek-a-boo, and we are all more than happy to oblige.

-Time magazine.

And now onto the bad things:

-My brother is still skinner than me. And what's worse, he's pretty much lapping me with that. Yeah, it's cool though. It's nothing new.

-Leaving everyone sucks. It's sad, but I am blessed with a family and friends that understand that I'm following my heart and dreams in Montreal.

-Kathryn wasn't there. Everyone was bummed about that.

-I'm a jackass and deleted all of my music off my hard drive. Oh the difference between Ctrl-C and Ctrl-X.

-I had the grand misfortune of sitting one row in front of the single most annoying person in the history of the universe on the way to Chicago. Honestly he gave his friend sitting next to him as well as the rest of the fuselage a play-by-play of his boring existence. He was literally louder and more annoying than the jet engines of the Embraer ERJ 145 we were on. I hope wherever he is, he is miserable.

-Tim :

(source)

There are many more great things about going home. But now it's time to buckle down and get my skoolin dunn. There was one more thing about my trip that I don't know can be classified as good or bad. Unfortunately it will have to wait until tomorrow when I can get a picture of it.

'Till then...

Family.

2007-11-03T23:14:00.000-04:00

Tonight we had the family over for my sister's birthday dinner and it was awesome. The only one missing was Kathryn. Tomorrow is hanging with the fat bastards of Chicago. We are going to eat mass amounts of FlatTop Grill.

I'm going to turn back the clocks and then go to sleep. Goodnight all.

Flying.

2007-11-01T22:34:00.000-04:00

So here I am, getting ready for the trip tomorrow, as well as my speech I have to do in class tomorrow morning, and I realize how much flying is a pain in the ass. I know that it makes the world a smaller place and a 14 hour car ride just became a "2" hour flight, but is it?

I have to be ready to go at about 4 and I won't get to my parents' house until after 9. But that also includes a time change (Eastern to Central). So it's a 6 hour trip. And what's more, I am worried about bringing my computer and external hard drive because I hate carrying-on and I've seen through the little windows at the airport how those beasts man-handle our luggage!

What is a man to do? I'll pack my crap and go wait in the long ass lines and take my shoes off and worry about how much our pilot has had to drink today and chew gum so my ears don't explode and then, finally, land and have a great weekend with my friends and family. And I love them all so much that I'd do it every day if I could. But I can't do that without, oh I don't know, maybe winning the lottery?

The way you do the things you do.

2007-10-30T14:38:00.001-04:00

Often times things come along in life that make you adapt. The computer made people everywhere change how they do things. The car did as well. Other times, it is the person that changes and their habits follow them but their way of doing things will change. In my case, I didn't change (much) and the whole world didn't change, but instead my location changed. With this in mind, I want to tell you about some of the things that I do differently now that I live in beautiful Montreal.

- Recycling is different here. You have to sort things. Which for normal people means sort. But for me (since this is kinda one of my chores) this means either

1. We get money for it so put it in the bag:

See that nice little bag on the table filled with stuff you bring back to the store and get money back? All on the table and nice. But with every nice bag, there is an evil-step-sister to its yang. Or yin. Whatever.

2. We don't get money for it so throw it in with the pile of shit that started in the bin and now is on the floor because Bebo's lazy ass won't bring it downstairs. This can be viewed here.

Yeah I should get on that.

-News. This isn't too different, but it's worth noting. I stay very informed on issues with my school, so the only newspapers I read now are about Concordia.

Not really cool or anything but I really like reading these.

-French. Basically everything I use here has English and French on it. And it's amazing at how quickly you get used to it and how much you scan over it. Our toothpaste for example:

Not just Extra Whitening but also Extra Blanchissant. Our phones aren't just cordless, they're cordless/ sans fil. This is the biggest change but also the one I most like. I am proud that I live in a place where there are so many different types of people and there are two predominant languages. And the one thing I've learned about Quebec is that the people don't give a fuck about what the rest of Canada or America thinks of them. The French are proud of their heritage and the English are proud of the diversity.

- Milk. Lait. It is something I consume everyday inside of my cereal. I love cereal. So we would always buy the cartons of milk. They go too fast. So like a true American, I say "Let's get a bigger one! YEEEEE HAAAWWW!!!" Well in Canada, they don't have gallons of milk (because of the metric system) so they have liters. Or as they call them litres. Well a litre is exactly what we've been pounding down over the last few months, so can't we go bigger? Because bigger is better.

This is what we got.

A nice little pitcher with a BAG of milk. It really is a sight to behold. You don't just buy one, though. You buy a bigger bag with four littler bags in it. Can I see the big bag, you ask? Why sure.

BAM! A bag of bags of milk. It's kind of like seeing the gigantic jars of relish and mayonnaise at Sam's Club. Too much. But honestly, it's better for the environment and it's easier to recycle 4 little bags than 1 big ass jug. And they have better things to use milk jugs for in Canada: Sweet Hockey Masks!

I'm coming home again.

2007-10-30T00:40:00.000-04:00

For my sister's birthday this weekend, I'm coming home. It's only gonna be for a few days but I am hoping I'll get to see everyone. Kathryn and I are really bummed she won't be able to make it, so it's not gonna be 100% fun.

That's all for now. I'll try to post something with some substance and hopefully pictures in the next day or so.

The people you know.

2007-10-26T15:18:00.000-04:00

One of the many great things I've experienced since I've moved is the people I've met. While most of them have been interesting, I think Tony is worth blogging about.

In my Comm 212 on Fridays, there are about 60 people, and English is the first language of about 10 of us. It makes things interesting. But most of the people aren't French. They are Asian, Polish, Russian - all sorts of randomness I've never really experienced.

So the first day of class, we had to get into groups. I just got into a group with the people around me, one of which was "Tony". He is Chinese, about 35, and moved to Canada in 2001. His real name is Xiaodong Chen. He told me he changed his name because people couldn't pronounce his real name. Not that this bothered him, but he didn't want people to be embarrassed that they couldn't say his name.

Throughout the next few weeks I learned that Tony has a 14-year-old daughter that lives with him. His wife still lives in China. I assumed that he came here to work and get money to send back home and eventually planned to either move back or bring his wife here.

Today I found out more about our buddy Tony. He doesn't work. I say "Hey Tony, why don't you work?"

He says "Because I don't have to." You see, when Tony was my age, 24, he had 2 Bachelor's degrees and was going to school for his Master's. He also began to open up a chain of car dealerships. After getting his Master's and expanding into other businesses, he decided to go to England and get another graduate-level degree.

Now, he is independently wealthy, owns about 15 businesses, and only goes to school for something to do. He takes one or two classes a semester. When he told me this, he wasn't bragging or cocky AT ALL. It was almost like he was apologetic for not having told me before. The reason he is in Canada with his daughter and not his wife is his wife is in China looking after her sick parents. They both wanted their daughter to study different languages and get the best education so the two of them packed up and came to Canada. Tony's daughter goes to a private school in the ritzy part of Montreal and is fluent in Chinese, English, and French.

It's amazing, isn't it? I know this is a stupid "don't judge a book" story, but it really is wonderful to have all your preconceptions (I wouldn't call them prejudices) about someone totally smashed.

This is one of his business cards he gave me. I know it's blurry but it doesn't matter because I don't think anybody that can read Chinese will also be reading this.

Kathryn wins us something to do.

2007-10-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here doing homework and waiting for Kathryn to come home just now, and she calls me after work. She's going to get a routine check-up for the car, and we chit-chat a bit. She tells me she'll call me after or maybe during if she's bored and we hang up. I go back to reading (tee hee hee).

4 minutes later, she calls back SCREAMING something about a radio and "HHHHAAAIIIIJUSTWWWWAAAAHHHHNNNTIXXXXX!!!"

"What happened?" I say.

"I was just on the radio and won a contest and tickets and something! OH MY GOD I NEVER WIN ANYTHING!" she replies.

Long story short. Well short story short, just arranged differently and without quotations - Kat won 2 tickets courtesy of Q 92 and their contest Star Search (the winning answer was John Cusack) for us to go to The Grand Masquerade IV.

Pretty exciting stuff! We have to go downtown to pick up the tickets and I think we are going to go on Sunday. I'll let you guys know how it was.

Thank you Kathryn.

My favorite websites.

2007-10-23T01:42:00.000-04:00

As some of you may know, I am a bit of a night owl. So what do I do when I stay up so late with Kathryn usually sleeping by 10 or 10:30? I go online. Or I read.

And since just poking around online has such a negative connotation to many people, I thought it would be nice to put up some of my favorite websites so that you guys can get an idea of the stuff I'm into, and also to show you that the internet isn't always Myspace and YouTube.

#1) New York Times - I know, it's not the Trib or even the Gazette but it is the best mainstream news source in my opinion.

#2) ManyBooks.net - Download whole books for free (and it's legal!) as PDF's or for your iPod. A great way to read the "classic" books you always wanted to (I'm reading Wuthering Heights) without being the jackass to go to the store or library and get it. "Excuse me sir, can you tell me where to find Don Quixote?" Jackass.

#3) Uncyclopedia - This is what some people think of when they think of Wikipedia. Ridiculous articles and hilarious.

#4) kxcd I don't understand about 1/3 of the stuff here but the ones I do I think are hilarious. Hit random a few times and you'll be laughing.

#5) Woot I don't know how they sell some of this stuff so cheap, but it really is awesome. The amount of statistics they keep of the sales is insane.

The best and the worst.

2007-10-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

So I just wanted to fill everyone in on what I believe to be the best thing about the apartment in which I live as well as the worst thing about said apartment.

This one is pretty easy.

The best thing is that every weekday at about 5 PM, the woman of my dreams walks through the front door.

She is shown here in one of a trio of pictures I call "Bebo fakes he doesn't know how to use a camera and takes really bad pictures."

And now on to the worst thing. From where I am sitting now and sit often throughout the day, this is my view :

Hmm that's a nice little view you have for yourself there Bebo! You got your computer, your headphones for when Kathryn is sleeping, some coffee, and an old Tim Horton's cup in the back. All around just a solid little work area. You are blessed with all your needs right here. Now we just lean back and take a little look around...

Oh what's that? Oh we even have a nice little window. But surely the worst thing about my apartment can't be a window. They are our connection to the outside world. They give us light. We can open them and enjoy the cool breeze. It isn't the window that I fear, so let's dig a little deeper. Let's take a look through the blinds.

Woah what is that little blue thing? You see that in the middle between the blinds? The only way to know what that is, I guess, is to open the blinds and take a daring, middle-of-the-day creepy guy taking pictures out of his window picture. And this is what we see.

OH MY GOD. Our worst fears are realized. That is indeed a wolf blanket. And it has been there since I moved here. Just there. All blue.

The bus.

2007-10-19T21:58:00.000-04:00

This will require a bit of prefacing. I have class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until 2:30 PM. I take the green line of the metro (subway) from Guy-Concordia to Lionel-Groulx. (You pronounce Groulx "grew".)

When you get off the metro, there is a mad-dash to catch the bus that leads to the west island, since the only real reason to get off at Lionel-Groulx is to catch this bus. The bus is the 211. But, during rush hour, there is also the 221 which is a rush-hour 211. This bus does different things at the end of the route, but the majority of the people on it (myself included) take it to Dorval which is the first stop (even though it can take about 45 minutes) so it doesn't matter which one I take.

When I get off the metro, I go to the street and there is always a huge line, either on the left (for the 211) or the right (the 221). Naturally, you wait in the longer one because that's the one that is coming next. Even if a bus is supposed to be the 211, say, it will change to the 221 if it sees that that line is bigger. Sound confusing? It's really not. Until today.

Scene - 2:35PM. Outside the Lionel-Groulx. Balmy. Overcast. Light rain falling. Otherwise normal day.

Enter fat American with Cubs hat, winded from long walk up the stairs :

I walk out to meet the day. I instantly see 2 things : there are about 100 people waiting for the 211 (this means I'm standing) and the back end of the 221 (JUST missed it). I walk about halfway down the line for the 211 when, like a jackal, the bus drives past us to the now deserted 221 stop. Woah. The driver should have changed to 211. Whatever. Myself and about 20 others jog over to pick up this bus, happy that we won't have to wait. Instead of thinking to myself "don't get on the bus of the person who leaves 100+ people standing in the rain," I thought "YES!!!"

This was, literally, the worst mistake of my life.

As I make the turn onto the bus, I always do two things. Show the bus pass and say "bonjour." The drivers love it. Seriously. It's my little way of giving back. So today is no different. Except that instead of a friendly "bonjour" back, I get a snarl. Like an honest-to-goodness snarl from the bus driver who looks abnormally like Phyllis from The Office -

Hmm. That's odd. So, as fate would have it, I am the penultimate person on this bus and the first of two to be standing. This was odd because I saw like 10 more people behind me jogging over to catch this bus. She literally slammed the door on people in the rain. ODD! Anyways, I should have sat on the floor, because what would take place over the next hour and a half I would wish on no man, woman, or child.

Devil-Phyllis, as I will call her, is quite easily the worst bus driver in the history of the universe. You could ride a camel bareback through a bazaar in Calcutta and not be in as much vehicular danger as I was with Devil-Phyllis at the helm of the Satan-bus. She drives like a drunken teenage girl speeding to a Myspace party. She would accelerate towards a stop sign (it was raining) only to then SLAM on the brakes. She apparently was getting paid by the gallon of gas burned, not hourly.

She was driving a BUS with LIVING HUMANS and doing about 60 MPH on a side street IN THE RAIN.

So that was horrible enough. But then she decided to take a little Devil-Phyllis shortcut. And by Devil-Phyllis shortcut, I mean the longest, most horrible, rain-soaked, brake-slamming, accelerating-to-stop-signs SHITcut of all time. And you are correct if you guessed that SHITcut has a red squiggly line under it. Apparently that isn't in the dictionary.

What I had penciled in my mental daily agenda as a 45 minute jaunt through western Montreal turned into an hour and a half long side street festival of turns and off-balanced attempts to drink my Starbucks.

When we finally arrived at Dorval, my arm was numb from the death-grip I had on the metal bar that saved my life about 80 times. As I looked out at the area where we would be stopping to let myself and the other Dorvalers off at, my heart dropped. School children. Devil-Phyllis would be driving school children home. May God have some sweet, sweet mercy on the 221 Devil-bus. Don't blame those kids for Devil-Phyllis' evil ways.

As I descended the small flight of stairs leading me to solid ground again, I felt like the first person to be negotiated for in a hostage situation. Yes I was glad, but I wouldn't rest until I knew those other souls were delivered home safely. Well I didn't hear anything on the news about Devil-Phyllis' Satan-public transportation vehicle taking anyone with her to hell so I can now rest.

And I missed the next bus because she took so long. I HATE HER!

Exam Time.

2007-10-18T13:56:00.000-04:00

Midterms really suck. But unlike normal class, you can't just stay home (KIDDING - sort of). You have to go. Which basically makes them suck more.

I have a midterm in approximately 4 hours and I am online blogging around and generally making an ass of my day. Why is this you ask? Because Concordia University thought it would be prudent for me to take Economics in my first semester. This is fine except I TOOK IT ALREADY. AND GOT AN A. LIKE 3 YEARS AGO. All in all, I must take 2 Econ classes and 2 Math classes over again as well as an online computer basics class.

Is this because I am an international student and am paying a much higher tuition rate? NAH! I'm sure it's only because they are scared that I will feel too pressured taking the other first semester classes like Speech. And Critical Thinking. And all the other big baddies that us wide eyed first year students must take (even though I'm 24).

So thank you Concordia University. You are enriching my University experience in ways you will never know. I will now eat some cereal and then I'll hit the books a bit. And if i don't get an A on this test, I will cut off my little-finger.

Cocky? No. Just underwhelmed.

This is the first run.

2007-10-18T03:51:00.000-04:00

I'm just checking right now to make sure this works. Hopefully this is something that I can do on a regular basis to keep in touch with my American friends and allies.