AN OPEN LETTER
...to people on public transportation everywhere -
Smile. Just a little. Life isn't that bad, is it? Oh and don't worry about showering or being an odd Pakistani with bad teeth staring at me. That part is all good.
...to my iPod touch -
Je t'aime.
...to my horrible picture-taking skills -
Hey, you do well enough to get by. Don't let them get you down!
...to people I am forced to be in groups with this semester -
Don't bother doing work. I'll get that all done. Oh and thank you for not speaking English. Our group speech will be much richer because of it. And also you can't say "Fucking time Horton" in the speech. Just say "Tim Horton's." Not time. Tim.
...to Ted Nugent -
You still around? If so, then die. If not, then thank God.
...to French people -
The glasses you wear are ridiculous. I have scoured the internet for a good example and there just isn't one in 0's and 1's yet. Y'all are just gonna have to believe me that French people wear the most nasty, busted-ass glasses. The only example I can give:
French -
(source)
Note the two-pronged attack where the arms begin that is so prevalent. And where they converge, we have a nice little treat! Some lime-ass-green.
English -
(source)
What? Where's the arms and colors and randomness? Just some glasses? Bah.
...to OJ -
You murdered two people and got away with it! And now your dumb ass is going to jail for an autographed football.
...to the dancing Indian boy -
Keep fighting the good fight.
...to the guy on the couch in the video above -
You are FREAKING everyone out.
...to the brains behind Chinese Buffet Fu Lam in Dollard-des-Ormeaux -
Occasionally we all feel that tap on the shoulder and whisper in the ear that is a great idea. Is it God? Is it the ghost of Leonardo da Vinci? Is it sheer random dumb luck? Could be one; could be all. What matters most isn't the source of our muse, but how we use it to make the Earth a better place. And you, my Chinese friend(s), have done just that. You took the mundane broccoli and made it a medley of broccoli, odd juices, and random chunks of indiscernible meat. Where others see green beans, you have the stugots to say "those beans need to have vomit-inducing octopus tentacles in them!" Even though as a vegetarian I am completely disgusted, it isn't because you are vile beyond words. It is because I didn't think of it first.
Not really. That's seriously disgusting.
(Side note. In the link for the buffet, why are there 4 stars for service? IT'S A BUFFET! Unless this is some kind of egotistical vote, I have lost hope in the internet and its ability to fairly and objectively rate a local dining establishment.)
...to the bastard -
Put the damned wolf blanket back. Please?
