Wednesday, December 26, 2007

And you say Chi-City.

Merry Christmas to all. I talked to a lot of you and emailed some others. For everyone else, I wish you a belated Merry Christmas. Also Happy Boxing Day! Canada and shit.

I don't have too much to report. I'm just kinda packing and we're getting ready for our trip back to Chicago. I'll really try and post while I'm there, but I can't promise it because we'll be really busy and we have a lot to do.

Also, this video is the best eight-and-a-half minutes I've ever invested in anything on the internet and I advise you all to do the same. And no, I'm not going to turn this into a political blog. I just get really into primary season. It's like the playoffs in baseball - do-or-die mentality, rich people making a name for themselves, and people that don't understand think it's all a big joke. For us that do understand are are passionate:


(Click on the big arrow in the middle to play)

Until next time, Happy Birthday Dave!

Monday, December 24, 2007

My crappy cooking show.

I guess I'm more like my father than either of us would think. For those of you who don't know my father, he is a great man, EXTREMELY intelligent, loving, and perpetually happy. He also has this little habit of talking to himself. I guess everyone does it a bit, but my dad talks to himself probably more than most. Not excessively. On the bell curve of talking to yourself, he's probably in the μ+σ (mu plus sigma) to μ+2σ (mu plus two sigma) range:



Incidentally, the Greek alphabet is the most practical thing I learned my 3 semesters of calculus at South Suburban.

Anyway, earlier I was preparing some cheesy potatoes for Christmas Eve with Kathryn's family tomorrow, and I realized that I talk to myself. Not a lot, but enough that it was kind of eye-opening.

Let me go off course for a minute here. Talking to yourself is something that "they" say smart people do. You know that vague, "Oh well they say that you shouldn't blah blah blah," or, "Yeah they were saying that this summer is gonna be HOT!" or any other very general statement that people say that they want to put a nonexistent expert behind. So you think, "Well they say smart people talk to themselves... I talk to myself...therefore I must be smart!" But in reality "they" are people that talk to themselves and are trying to make people think they are smart. When I started losing my hair in my late teens, people would tell me, "Oh well they say that bald men look more distinguished." That's all well and good except that "they" are insecure bald men who started this whole silly mess about being distinguished. Also, I wasn't a 50 year old man submitting my life's work for peer review... I was 17! You know what I say? THEY suck.

So back to me talking to myself -

I was preparing the potatoes, and it took about 45 minutes. In that 45 minutes I said all of 5 things. If you had a microphone in the kitchen, this is what you would have heard.

"How in the fuck do you LOSE a cheese-grater?" Because it was $3 cheaper for the big ol' slab of cheddar than the pre-shredded bag, I had to grate that whole monster down. Unfortunately for me, the cheese-grater grew little cheesy legs and ran off to hide somewhere.

"You little piece of shit cheese-grater." This is how I say hi to the cheese-grater when I do find it. Out loud.

"Oh that's a nice little chunk of cheddar." Take that literally. You gotta eat the little nub of cheese at the end. It was good.

"AHHH That's fuckin' sick." (TWICE) Let me explain. I'm a vegetarian so I obviously don't cook with meat. I almost always cook things that can be tasted at virtually every stage of preparation. Do you want a taste of the pasta sauce even though it's only been cooking for a minute? Go for it. It's just cold and unseasoned. Now I have this up-until-now perfectly fine habit of licking spoons that I scoop things with and then rinsing them off. Just for a little taste. Today, though, I was cooking with butter and sour cream. Add this all up and it equals me licking a big old nasty spoonful of butter (SICK) and then like a dumbass, a big ol' hefty spoonful of sour cream.

Both times, I talked to myself. Out loud. After midnight. In the kitchen. Alone.

Anyway, they say that guys named Bebo that have blogs are super cool and can hold their own with a blade. Watch out for that.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Another funny subtitle.

This is a video that's going around the internet a bit. It's quite freaky, but that's not the reason I'm putting it up here. At about 0:15, you will see just what I'm talking about with the laziness of subtitle writers these days.



Look out, Shakespeare! Watch your back, Poe! Forget, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." because we now have "Paul Karason - Has Blue Skin"!

You, Mr./Mrs. Subtitle Writer, are the Jackson Pollock of subtitles. Where 99% of the world says, "Shit, I could do that if I had enough beer and didn't care about ruining my hardwood floors," that 1% of pretentious art-snobs will "see the genius of your work."

Keep it up, soldier!

The SNOW.

The snow is finally finished. I hope. I don't have total numbers on how much we got, but it's taller than knee-high, but not quite waist-high. Our car was so packed in from a drift and the plow that the snow was higher than the hood. All you could see was the back window. It was nutty.

I don't have too much to report other than the meteorological status of our island. Being off school is quite nice. I've been catching up on some reading, doing a little painting, donating my time to my favorite philanthropic organizations, and really working on reading for next semester's classes. And in case you didn't actually click on all the links, I'm actually eating, sleeping, shitting, and going on digg. Life is good.

I've also been watching a lot of news and I am really getting psyched about the presidential primaries. If you're wondering who I want to win, I'm rooting for anyone that is black. And if that doesn't happen, my next favorite choice is anyone that is a woman. Hopefully someone fitting those criteria will make it through the primaries. (Obama/Clinton 2008)

One person, however, I really, really hope DOESN'T win is a man named Mike Huckabee. He's running for the Republican nomination. I don't want him to win for many reasons, but here are the top 3.

1. He believes that "Women should submit to their husbands". I'm not going to say anything more than this - that is what everyone thought ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO. If he were running one thousand years ago for political office, he may be running against David. As in David from the Bible. Not David my brother. Or David my father. David, the King of Israel.

2. Recent presidents haven't had the greatest luck with their children. The current Bush's daughters are drunks and miscreants. George H.W. Bush's son is the worst person since Hitler. Bill had Chelsea and that was Ok. But Mike Huckabee, well his son captured a dog, tortured it, and then murdered it. And then Mike Huckabee covered it all up. I just have one thing to say about this. Hey, Huckabee - Michael Vick called. He was asking if you can do anything for him, too. ZING!

3. Most importantly, this is a picture of his family.



This picture is more powerful than any negative ads his opponents can throw at him. All fat with their stripes. Come on now. LOOK AT THEM!

I can't believe the big bastard in the middle wasn't like, "Jesus dad, you're seriously talking about running for president. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! And you're gonna let mom make us take this ridiculous picture? All the people at school will make fun of me! These stripes aren't slimming. Can't we at least wear black? Ok fine. But I'm warning you, if I have to wear this crappy shirt, and take this crappy picture, I'm gonna get back at you by killing a dog. You like that? We'll see what the voters think about that! You think you're gonna be "electable" with that hanging over your head? Asshole. Sexist."

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Wow!

So my finals are finally over and I now turn my undivided back to blogging for you all! That seriously sucked, all of those finals back to back to back to back to back. I was studying like 12 hours a day, everyday. However, I am now able to kick back for a few weeks and just chillax and get ready for semester two at Concordia. Enough of me bitching, though.

As I'm sure you all know, yesterday was a very important day. Among other things, it marked the anniversary of the day that the Bill of Rights took effect, Walt Disney died, and of course, the day that I was born. Yes, I am now a quarter of a century old!

My day went as such - I had a final (of course) and then Kathryn, Tara, and Steph took me downtown to get my drink on! We met up with Johnsy, Jen, Kat, Pookie, and my buddy Rob from school. It was a good time had by all, even when we were frozenly and drunkenly walking through downtown Montreal in search of the falafel place that's open until 4AM. So thank you to everyone who came out last night or called or emailed me to wish me a Happy Birthday. And thanks Mom and Dad for bringing me into this world.

Oh and it snowed like a dirty madman out there today. I'm going to take a picture of it with the sun's help tomorrow. I'll post it here, and then you will see how cold and crappy and soft and delicate snow is. Only then.

I was going to just keep it there and go to bed, but since it's been weeks since I've posted something of substance, I owe you all this. Plus, there is one thing that I've been wanting to blog about for like 3 weeks now, but I keep forgetting. Now's the time. I ain't forgetting anymore.

It all started when I was watching the news (I think it was CNN but it doesn't much matter) and Anne Lennox was on there talking about something or another. What I thought was interesting was how on the screen, it said -

Annie Lennox
Singer/ Musician

I thought to myself, "Why would they have to put that? Doesn't everyone know that she's a singer? Even if they don't know any of her songs, people still know that she's a singer. And if they don't, does that tiny little description do anything to give the viewer a clearer picture of the life and music of Ms. Lennox?" I don't think so, but that sent me down a path that I'm going to guide you all down now. It's an introspective into the art and science of the subtitles they put under people's names on the news.

  • Annie Lennox (No Subtitle)
  • Maybe they should just write the name of the person that is being interviewed and not bother with all that silly subtitle business. Unless they are some kind of specialist or someone that nobody would know, don't try and cram a person's life achievements into 2-5 word subtitles.

  • Paul McCartney
  • What's the subtitle there? "Paul McCartney - Former Beatle"? Because if you write that, you are basically saying, "We, as a collective organization known as CNN, feel that you all are functioning retards and we must tell you that Sir Paul was in fact, in a band called The Beatles." Or do you put "British Musician" or "& Wings" or "Animal Rights Activist"? Let's take that a little further, shall we?

  • Michael Jackson
  • What are we doing here? Following the Paul McCartney formula, it would be "Michael Jackson - Jackson 5". But that's a lllliiiiiittle bit off target, yeah? Do we go with "As creepy as he is now, you can't deny that Thriller was a badass record" or "Child Molester" or worse "Gary, Indiana Native"?

  • Me
  • What would I be if I was interviewed on CNN? Would I be the ever popular "Local Man"? Well I guess that depends on the location and nature of the interview. Would I be "Student"? Or maybe, since they were intrusive and mean when they flat out called Michael Jackson a child molester, they'd put under my name "Chubby Man" or even "Isn't as comfortable with his baldness as he wants to be"?


I don't claim to have answers, only questions. But for now, I am claiming to have a serious case of needing some sleep. Goodnight all.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

WTF?

Sorry I haven't posted in forever! I've been elbow-deep in books studying for my finals. I have one today (Thursday) and then one Saturday and then I'm free as a bird. So just ride out this last little wave of cramming with me preddy-puh-leeze and I'll get back to talking about how fat I am in an attempt to make you all laugh.

Oh and the Cubs signed Fukudome. Nothing says "we haven't won the World Series in literally one hundred years and need help from the Japanese" like spending $48 million dollars on a 30-year old Japanese guy coming off an elbow injury. As much as I like the whole thing, this begs the question - Mom, why didn't you raise me a Yankee fan?

Friday, December 7, 2007

Finally!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, everyone! It's been crazy with the finals over here. I'm goin' outta my flippin' mind. (Sounds better if you say it with a Bridgeport accent, {Oh and for my Canadian friends that don't know what Bridgeport is, just do a crappy New York accent.})

So, for anyone that doesn't know, my sister had her baby! Julian was born on December 4th and is beautiful. Kat and I will get to see him in 3 weeks and we are counting the days. Here's a picture of him.

I try to be very careful not to make other people's business too public on this here blog. Mostly this is out of respect for people's privacy. The reason I'm putting Julian's picture on here is quite simple though. Other than the fact he's on the internet in other places *coughMySpacecough*, he's too teenie-tiny and scrunched up of a little baby to keep this picture to myself. Je t'aime, Julian. Je t'aime!

Moving on to other business, I have a funny little story for you. Tonight at 7pm I had a final. Kat drove me and then went grocery shopping while I was taking it and picked me up after.

...On a side note, I could rant for weeks about how crappy my crappy computer class was. But I took the final earlier today and it's OVER! Thank God. Now, back to the story...

While we were driving home, she mentioned that she got me a surprise at the grocery store! I was quite happy and was licking my chops at the chocolate-crunchy-salty-melty-cheesy-Perriery delights that she must have gotten for me. After all, I love chocolate, potato chips, melted cheese, and Perrier. It must have been one of those, right? RIGHT?

WRONG!

While unpacking the groceries, she showed me the little bundle of surprise. T'was this:

Nothing says "I think you're fat and you drink too much pop" like a 250 ml (about 8.5 oz) little bottle of cola named Chubby. I love you too, Kathryn.

Also, I drank it fast and that's why it's empty in the picture. Just to prove a point. But actually because it was delish.

There is one more thing that has been really bothering me for a while. If you haven't played around with it, the little gadget on the left over there is called an artist quilt. If you hover your mouse over it, it'll name all the bands that I listen to. They get collected on this website Last.fm and then they are displayed here. It's really cool and anyone can say, "Woah! Bebo likes the band _______ (fill in the blank)."

But if you look at it long enough, you will see an anomaly. I do not like Arrested Development. Well, I do and that's why it's on there, but it's the wrong one. I watch TV shows on my iPod and they get counted on Last.fm just like songs. But Last.fm thinks I like Arrested Development the band.

They are known for their hit song "Tennessee". You all remember it! "Take me to a-nah-tha place. Take me to a-nah-tha land. Help me somethinnn somethinnn else. Cuz that guy Bebo sure is thaaaaa man." Well it goes something like that.

But I don't like the BAND Arrested Development! I like the now-canceled TV show Arrested Development.

It is known for being hilarious. So don't think I'm going through a 90's pop-culture afro-centric retro thing. I just like the show Arrested Development and I wish they would bring it back.

Back to reality now. In conclusion, thank you Chubby for an intense little expedition through the world of oddly-sized and oddly-named beverages, thank you Last.fm for making me embarrassed of my TV show watching habits, and most importantly thank you Angie for giving us all Julian!

Monday, December 3, 2007

A funny realization.

So earlier today, Kat and I were having a little discussion about something-or-another, and it dawned on her that I am an immigrant. It was quite funny when she threatened to call the cops on me and have me deported for being a jerk to her. I was faking like I was appalled, but I found it funnier than she did because, frankly, I had never thought of it like that. It is the ultimate trump card for her though.

One possible conversation:

"Bebo, do the recycling." - Kat (even though she would never say this because she is the best)
"Baby I'm so busy doing homework. I'll do it tomorrow or in January. Whichever doesn't come first." - Bebo while watching YouTube video of kid falling off slide for the 40th time
"What's the number for CIC?" - Empowered Kat
"Shall I do the dishes as well?" - Dejected Bebo, concerned for his personal security and safety

It was hilarious. And before you ask, YES she was joking.


My sister is gong to give us just what our family thrives on - a December baby! Unless she's game for waiting it out 4 more weeks.


Oh and finals start this week! Wish me luck everyone. More than that, wish me answers to questions. Specifically in the realm of Critical Business Thinking. And by wish me the answers, I mean tell me the answers.