How far we've come.

A little more than a century ago, Henry Ford spoke very eloquently about his vision of the future. He said something along the lines of every working man will be able to afford an automobile and nobody will be able to imagine life without it. Looking back 100 years later, he couldn't have been more accurate.

Winston Churchill once spoke of the Nazi threat and said that if England were to rise up and defeat the Nazis, it would be looked back upon as their "finest hour".

In the 60s, the founder of Intel, Gordon Moore, said that the amount of transistors that can be fit onto a computer chip will double every 2 years. Even today, "Moore's Law" still applies.

Also in the 60s, JFK pledged to put man on the moon before the end of the decade. On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. MAYBE.

What am I talking about? What do all of these things have in common?

They are all great feats of man that have happened since Josephine Cochrane invented the dishwasher in 1886.

And yet today I arched down and slopped water and apple-scented soap all over some dirty ass old dishes. I HATE washing dishes. Why can't every home in North America have a dishwasher?

There I am, like some sort of poor African child. At least I have a computer, which is something that separates me from the poor people of the world.

Oh yeah that whole One Laptop Per Child thing. Well I feel like I've been brought down a couple notches, don't I?

One other thing I wanted point out that is wrong with the world is the folded toilet paper in hotels. If you've been to a hotel anytime in the last few decades, you'll know just what I'm talking about. Kathryn and I stayed in a very lovely hotel for New Years, and everything was just lovely. JUST LOVELY. Except the toilet paper fold. Since Kathryn and I forgot our cameras in Montreal and were walking around like tourists with a disposable camera, I didn't take a picture of it then. But I wouldn't let you all down, so here's a reenactment I did here in our apartment.


I can see how, to some hotel executive, this can be seen as giving the room that "extra little touch!" But that is exactly the problem. That extra little TOUCH. As in someone has purposely touched the toilet paper. And that person was neither me, nor a sanitary robot-being, so that is bad.

People spend literally billions of dollars a year on products and things that protect our most sensitive of areas from the unwashed masses. Right now I am wearing underwear and shorts so that the world and its dirty fingernails and oddly scented hands cannot infect my ass.

Please, kind cleaning lady (or man), don't touch anymore toilet paper. If you get fired for not folding the toilet paper and get shipped off to some poor distant land, don't fret. We will send you a laptop.